SMART AND SAFE Expert Advice to Protect Your Family from Danger Better Homes and Gardens, August 1996 © by Gary Legwold          We are going to skip those nasty crime statistics. You already know the world can be violent and you can get hurt--or worse. So, let's go to the part that gets personal: What can you do to dodge danger and protect yourself when threatened?         We certainly hope nothing happens to our loved ones or us. And yet hope is about all many of us do about personal safety. We do not want to think about the horrible what ifs. What if a rapist attacks me? What if a perpetrator stalks my child while she is in a chat room on the Internet? What if an intruder cuts my telephone line before breaking into my home while I sleep?         Crime experts advise less hoping that nothing happens and more planning for the what-ifs. Several experts offer the suggestions below to help you be safer at home and in cars, on the streets, on vacation, and in public places. SELF-DEFENSE--OR NOT          The rape of a friend moved Jim Perkins into teaching self-defense. She gave a ride to her fiancée's friend. He diverted her to a deserted street, raped her, bit off part of her tongue, and broke ribs. She tried using Mace, but the rapist used the stinging, self-defense spray on her face and in her vagina.          The woman healed and went to Perkins, now a self-defense instructor and consultant in Des Moines, Iowa, to learn martial arts. However, it was she who instructed him on the realities of rape. Together, they developed self-defense maneuvers and action plans that were more true to life.          Three years later a predator grabbed her from behind as she was unlocking her house. She threw the key to the ground, knowing from her work with Perkins that she was in more danger in the house, out of earshot and view of neighbors. As he bent down to pick up the keys, she freed herself enough to turn and knee him in the groin, repeatedly. He collapsed, and she ran for help. The police arrived eight minutes later. The guy, still in pain on the ground, eventually went to jail.         These incidents illustrate the importance of planning. They also raise the thorny question: When attacked, do you fight back? There is no simple answer, experts agree, except that it is your call. Perkins says 76 percent of persons who resist--fight, scream, run, etc.--escape the rape; less than 20 percent who submit until they can run actually escape. He says criminals look for the easy mark. Yelling, kicking shins, stomping toes, even vomiting or peeing your pants on purpose may create enough noise and commotion--and buy time--to cause the perpetrator to look elsewhere.         Terri Greer has another take on self-defense. Greer, a reserve deputy with the Chelan County Sheriff's Office in Wenatchee, Washington, is all for taking self-defense classes and learning to handle a gun (she carries one)--as long as you practice the skills you learn. However, she can imagine a scenario of submission.          "If I, at 5'4", was not trained with a gun and in self-defense and was being sexually assaulted by someone 6'4" with training, I would not resist," she says. "You can overcome through counseling the effects of a traumatic experience, but once you lose your life, you do not have that chance."         It is important to stress that there is no right or wrong course of action. "What you do to survive is the right thing," says J.J. Bittenbinder, a Cook Country Sheriff investigator who spent 17 years as a detective with the Chicago police department.         Self-defense may be appropriate for you in some situations--but only if you have training. Take classes and then refresher courses. Practice as if your life depends on it. You will not learn self-defense in an article, but remember these points: Act quickly and forcefully. "Make it happen now, and make a lot of noise," says Perkins. "Yelling ‘No!' reminds you and tells him that this is not going to happen, at least not easily. Usually, attackers look for the easy victim. Don't just struggle; fight back. Become the attacker. Make him defensive. It takes very little--a knee can do incredible damage--to cause him extreme pain. Pain impulses tend to override whatever other impulses the attacker has. He'll reconsider." Keep it simple. You do not need to learn a lot of new moves. Kicking shins, stomping toes, boxing ears, scratching and poking eyes, yanking hair, kicking the groin or knee, biting, head butting, chopping the throat, an overhand fist to the face--there are many ways to cause commotion, buy time, and inflict pain.         Resisting will make the attacker angry, and there are attackers you do not want to provoke. Again, your call. But this may be a non-issue in some situations. "If you are getting killed anyway--if someone has a knife to your neck--I guarantee making him madder is not what you are worrying about," says Perkins. "It's ‘How do I get out of this alive?'" PERSONAL CRIME-FIGHTING DEVICES         Whatever weapon you carry for self-defense, understand that to be effective you must train with it regularly. Also, your weapon may be used against you. Finally, a weapon does no good unless it is in your hand, ready for use.         Guns are effective but come with heavy responsibilities and risks. You need a permit, instruction, and practice, practice, practice. Guns are a hassle in homes with people not trained in handling guns, especially children. Locking away the weapon may mean an access problem when you need it most. Not locking it away means a potential death during child's play.         Pepper sprays and Mace must be unlocked and at the ready. They have a range of only 8 to 10 feet and backfire when the wind is wrong. A few states and all commercial airlines ban these sprays, says Bittenbinder, "and Mace does not work on drunks" or animals. Greer agrees, saying the Mace available to the public is not strong enough to be much of a deterrent. However, she experienced pepper spray in police training. "That stuff literally brings you to your knees," she says.         Kubuton key chains can hurt attackers, says Perkins. Kubutons are slim, five-inch aluminum, plastic, or wood tubes with pointed ends. They attach to your key ring and are ideal for poking ribs, thighs, and eyes of the attacker. Or you can hold the kubuton and flog the attacker with the keys end. Perkins says you can buy kubuton key chains ($5 to $10) at martial arts stores and at stores selling locks.         A pen, fingernail file, brush handle, and cap of a nail polish bottle are examples of common purse items that could serve as weapons. Greer says when carrying keys, she arranges them so they protrude between her fingers, producing "a device for raking an attacker's face."         Personal alarms put out about 120 decibels of blare, says Perkins, provided the batteries are fresh and in the key chain or belt unit. Like whistles, alarms do not work automatically; you must press a button, which is a factor in a surprise attack. Bittenbinder advises writing identifying information on the back of the alarm. If you are abducted and drop the alarm in the scuffle, police have a lead.         Cellular telephones are "invaluable tools" in self-defense, says Perkins. You can speed dial 911 when and where you are in danger. Sometimes just a cell phone to your ear is enough to turn an attacker away. Bittenbinder advises taking a cell phone and battery charger into your bedroom each night. This phone allows you to call for help--from under the bed buys more time--when an intruder cuts telephone and power lines before breaking in.         Bedroom door locks are seldom used, which is a mistake. An intruder can kick in the door, but the lock "gives you at least a minute to call the police," says Bittenbinder. "You can also shout, ‘Bob, get the shotgun.' You may not have a Bob or a shotgun, but bad guys don't know that with the door locked."         To prevent bad guys from breaking in, place a rod along the track of all sliding doors and windows. Also have a lock on all trap doors and openings to attics and crawl spaces. Put a big dog bowl on the porch or in the kitchen. Dogs are a deterrent because attackers see them as noisemakers with teeth. Electronic security systems are good, although intruders can cut power lines. A good neighborhood watch system is better, says Greer.         Fanny packs are recommended because they are harder to steal than a purse hanging from an arm or shoulder. If you prefer a purse, carry it in front, under a coat or sweater, with the flap facing into your body. SAFER IN YOUR CAR         When approaching your car, have keys ready and your eyes searching. Always check the back seat before entering. Bittenbinder recommends sticking small, convex mirrors on side mirrors to help you see attackers earlier. Put a larger one inside your trunk, on a wall or on the hood's underside. This mirror helps you spot trouble when you are leaned into the trunk and most vulnerable.         Immediately lock the car once inside. Activate the cell phone, and have your pepper spray ready. Hide your purse under a leg or the seat. Attackers in most smash-and-grab incidents are attracted by valuables visible from the curb.         If you are involved in a car jacking, consider this option from Bittenbinder: Carry phony keys. If you are in the car but have not started it when the carjacker makes his move, throw the phony keys out the window. If the attacker retrieves them, use the real keys to drive away.         Or carry a second set of real car keys. Always use that set to start the car. If the carjacker strikes when the car is running, turn off the car and throw the keys out the window. At the very least, tossing keys buys time. Again, if the attacker gets out to retrieve the keys, use your other key to escape. "And if the guy happens to get under the front wheels as you drive off," quips Bittenbinder, "then that's too bad." SAFER IN PUBLIC PLACES          "A great deal of self-protection is in the way you carry yourself in public," says Greer. Walk erect, head up and eyes searching. Keep a good pace. Be aware and ready to take action, and let your body language say the same. If you suspect someone following you, says Perkins, consider turning and shouting, "What are you doing?" If possible, do this in view of others.         Remember that the more packages you carry, the more vulnerable you are. Have packages delivered or carried out, or park your car momentarily at the storefront as you run inside to retrieve the packages, which you leave with the clerk.         If you find yourself on an elevator with one other person who gives you the creeps, follow your intuition and get off. If he attacks you, says Bittenbinder, push the buttons for each floor, if you can. He does not advise pushing the alarm, which often stops the elevator.         Avoid ATMs that are isolated, in the dark, and surrounded by bushes and trees. If you have to use these, have your pepper spray ready and keep a constant lookout. ATMs inside stores are best. Bittenbinder also likes drive-through ATMs, but keep checking your mirrors. "Don't sit there and count your money," he says. "It's always right, anyway. Take your receipt and drive away immediately." SAFER ON VACATION         Leave your jewelry at home and use traveler's checks, not cash or checks. If you suspect pickpockets are near, put your valuables in a front pocket and your hand in that pocket.          "When you are on vacation, remember that you are on the other guy's turf," says Bittenbinder. When renting a car, get a good map and study it before leaving the building. You do not want to become lost, because car rental offices are sometimes in unsafe areas. You want to minimize the time you could get mugged in the parking lot, so walk briskly, load your car quickly, and scat.         Avoid hotels that still use metal keys, which any guest can duplicate. Card keys that work in the swipe system are best. At check-in, show your business card or write your name on a piece of paper. Say you do not want a first-floor room, and ask the clerk to write the room number on a card. Decline verbal directions. "If you cannot find the room," says Bittenbinder, "maybe you shouldn't be traveling."         Have the porter help with luggage, or ask someone in security to go to your room with you. Ask him or her to wait momentarily. Leave the door open as you check the room for windows and doors that are not secure, someone lurking in a closet, etc. Use the room safe, if there is one that a thief cannot just carry away. Otherwise, use the safe at the front desk to store your plane tickets and jewelry.         This is just a sampling of personal safety tips. Obviously, they do not cover all contingencies, but they get you thinking. Thinking about crime prevention does not make you paranoid; it makes you aware. That alone makes you safer against attackers.          "These guys know what they are going to say and do," says Bittenbinder. "They win because they are prepared and you are not. So, develop a plan. Even if you do everything right and still cannot stop them, well, at least you can make it tougher for them." Child Protection (sidebar)          Too often, the topic of personal safety for children gets stuck on "stranger danger." This rankles Peter Banks for two reasons: 1) The topic is much broader than stranger danger, and 2) the more common danger is with non-strangers.          "‘Stranger danger' spreads the myth that the guy under the bridge is the primary molester," says Banks, director of outreach for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC). "To leave it at that is setting your child up for victimization by everyone else."          To go beyond stranger danger, start by going over what-if scenarios. Read, along with your child, What Would You Do? A Kid's Guide to Tricky and Sticky Situations by Linda Schwartz ($9.95, 1990, The Learning Works, Inc., Santa Barbara, CA). Also, contact the NCMEC for a wealth of information and services on missing and exploited children. Write 2101 Wilson Blvd., Suite 550, Arlington, VA 22201-3052 or call their hotline 1-800-THE-LOST.          Other action steps include: · Teach your child it is OK to say no to affection within your family. "What does the child learn when he or she says no and everyone else says, ‘Give Grandpa a big kiss. Go ahead?'" says J.J. Bittenbinder, a Cook Country Sheriff investigator in Chicago. Explain the hard facts. One out of 4 females and 1 out of 7 males are sexual abuse victims before age 18. "And only 1 out of 10 cases are reported," adds Banks. "Most abductions are seductions. They are non-violent, and molesters often seduce the parents first." A relative or neighbor, for example, may offer to take the kids for a weekend camping trip. Check first. The buddy system. Say no. Go tell. If your child can remember these key phrases, says Banks, he or she will be less at risk. Also, reinforce that your child can trust his or her own feelings and can talk with trusted grown-ups about problems or concerns. Tell your child to yell "Stranger!" and run for help if someone tries to take him or her. Emphasize that adults never need help from children; leave it to other adults to help find "lost puppies." Families should establish a code word for the rare times when parents need their child to be driven home by a trusted adult who is not known by the child. When in crowded malls, do not rely on electronic transmitting-receiving devices to track your child. They can be a backup to your eyes, but batteries could run out and you may not hear the warning signals in noisy areas. More important, you could be lulled into a false sense of security, says Banks. Have a plan for when you become separated. Parents, always carry a recent picture, and know what your child is wearing. Children, stay in the store where you last saw your parents. Request help from a "low-risk adult--someone in uniform, wearing a name tag, working behind a counter or at a cash register, or a pregnant woman pushing a stroller," says Banks. If you are near a pay phone without money, you can still call 911 or 0 for free. Prepaid phone cards are nice for non-emergencies--if you make a habit of carrying them. Support stores that have lost-child plans. Wal Mart, says Banks, announces "Code Adam" and a the missing child's description. Employees check for the child at all doors, and they systematically search the store. Instruct your child to run, kick, bite, scream, scratch, and shout if someone grabs you. As with adults, the idea of resistance is to buy time and attract attention. Monitor your child's computer activities. Your child may be harassed or exposed to inappropriate sexual or violent material while on-line. Or the child may be targeted by pedophiles who may use chat rooms to gain your child's confidence and arrange a face-to-face meeting. Therefore, make it a family rule to never give identifying information in a public message such as a chat room or bulletin board. Do not reveal personal information such as your age, marital status, etc. Do not respond to mean or obscene messages. (For other tips, see the NCMEC's brochure, "Child Safety on the Information Highway."          You may have concerns that talking about child protection will make your son or daughter too afraid of what is a friendly world, for the most part. "Look at it this way," says self-defense instructor Jim Perkins, of Des Moines, Iowa. "We do fire and tornado drills, and we practice precautionary measures when we cross the street--just in case something happens. It should be the same with protecting your kids and yourself." Back Gary Legwold glegwold@lutefisk.com (612) 926-1877 "Ideas Need Words" Home Page © Copyright 2004 Gary Legwold and Conrad Henry Press. All rights reserved.